Hold Me Now, O Father of Jesus

 Shiloh

 

Hold me now, Oh, Father of Jesus
Sheltered, safe, asleep in your arms
No other place can promise protection
A fortress from pain and a haven from harm

Hold me now, Oh, Father of Jesus
Sometimes I fear the dark of the night
Your kindness kindles the stars in the heavens
Your love is the reason the moon gives us light

Just You and I, and one holy moment
Together if I have eyes that can see
Open my ears that I might hear You whisper
Of Your tender longing for me

Now I know, Oh Father of Jesus
My hope lies in belonging to You
Never again will I live like a stranger
My heart understands now that You’re my Father too.

Michael Card, O Father of Jesus

April 27^th, 2012, is the due date of our baby Shiloh.   As I sit in the midst of unpacking, I am pondering the last nine months of my life.  I try not to dwell on what it would have been like with another baby growing in my womb and turning our family of three to four, as that was not the will of God for our lives.  But, I am trying to focus on being content and on what God has blessed me with right now.  I am surrounding by the greatness of God.

It pains my heart as I am not going through the pain to deliver a perfectly pink formed baby.  We will never be able to put a face to our baby.  We will never hear our baby’s cries, coo’s, or see all the smiles.  We will never be able to take pictures and chart the growth of his/her life on this earth.  But, one thing remains: Our God is in control and knows what is best for our lives.

We may not completely understand why God brought in our lives this small bundle of joy, and then take away the one thing we have been praying for, for three years.  We are very thankful to Him for giving us the couple of weeks to enjoy pregnancy.  It taught me to trust God more, to be hopeful, and that nothing stands in God’s way.

My Husband and I were watching “Facing the Giants” the other day, and a line in the movie touched me.  I sat there staring at the screen and watching this couple deal with emotions of wanting a baby.  They were trying so hard that their focus came off Christ.  When they realized that physically, they could not make a pregnancy happen.  The husband asked his wife “If we never have a baby, will you still love Him?”  I had to ask myself that question. 

Shiloh will always be apart of our lives, but at the same time, it is time to move on.  It is time to start showing my child that in life we do not always get what we want and that we should trust God.  We should be content where He leads and what He has in store for our family.  Whether that is for us to remain a family of three or be blessed with more children down the road…only He knows.  

 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

Isaiah 26:3